Often, in relationships we go through difficult experiences that make us clear on what we do and do not want to experience in the future. When we’re dating, these negative experiences can be at the back of our minds. Without realising it, you can be on the look out for warning signs that this person is the same as the last. This focus can sabotage your dating life and relationships without you even noticing it.
Say you date someone for a while, and you discover that he only thinks about himself, so you split up with him. When you're dating after that experience, you may be unconsciously looking out for selfish traits in the people you date, so you don’t experience it again.
This makes perfect sense from the mind’s point of view, as it’s looking to protect you against repeating the same pattern. However, in practice, what actually happens is that you begin to notice and magnify the selfish behaviour of whoever you’re dating. It can even cause you to interpret behaviour that was not selfish, as selfish, because that’s what you’re looking out for.
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